Reframing Insecure Attachment: Actionable Strategies

Last Updated on October 23, 2023 by admin

If you are in your 20s and 30s, navigating life can feel like sailing the open sea. The exhilaration of discovery often goes hand in hand with the occasional storm. One crucial navigational tool you need is an understanding of your attachment strategy.

Attachment, a term psychologists use to describe how we form emotional bonds, is wired early in life, influenced significantly by our relationship with our caregivers. An insecure attachment can present as anxiety in relationships, avoidance of intimacy, or a confusing mix of both.

But understanding your attachment is not about blaming your parents or caregivers. They, too, were shaped by their experiences and circumstances. It’s about understanding yourself and working toward developing what we call “earned secure attachment.”

Earned secure attachment is when someone, who might have developed insecure attachment patterns, learns to cultivate secure attachments through understanding and intentional change. It’s about knowing where you come from and then deciding where you want to go. Our brains constantly learn new things and adapt to change, so no one is fated with an insecure attachment flowing from early childhood experiences.

Here are a few practical strategies to get you started:

1. Self-Reflection: Reflect on your relationships. What patterns do you notice? Do you often fear people leaving you, or perhaps, do you fear getting too close? These patterns can shed light on your attachment strategy.
2. Therapy: Find a trusted therapist who understands attachment theory. They can help you unravel your patterns and guide you towards a more secure attachment.
3. Healthy Relationships: Surround yourself with relationships that feel safe and positive. These relationships can serve as a model for what secure attachment feels like.
4. Self-Care: Prioritize self-care. Good mental and physical health can provide a stable foundation for change.

Remember, developing earned secure attachment is a journey. It might not always be smooth sailing, but the destination—a healthier, more fulfilling relationship with yourself and others—is well worth it. So unfurl your sails and set a course for change. You’ve got this.